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Remco (35) lives with his 3 cats in Den Bosch. In this interview, Remco shares how he struggled to express his emotions from childhood. How he put himself last and hid a lot of sadness behind his cheerful mask. Why, after years of exercising and dieting, he just couldn't manage to lose weight for good, and why he ultimately chose a Gastric Bypass.
Where does your journey to your Gastric Bypass begin?
“I think in my childhood, because of what I went through. The traumas I experienced, I had to process later in life. That had an impact. Even though I wasn't overweight as a child, I couldn't handle emotions well. I was locked up inside myself; it felt like I had to survive. But that's a closed chapter for me now.”
What do you think made you gain weight?
“Until I was 19, I worked at a fast-food chain. Of course we ate there, during breaks or in the evenings with colleagues. I also became lonelier - everyone around me was getting a boyfriend or girlfriend. I stayed on my own and hardly moved. At some point, everything got darker. In my thoughts, in my head. That also showed in my eating and lifestyle.”
“I always ordered too much anyway. I also felt I had to finish everything, because throwing food away is a waste. Really, I always had a reason to eat.”
So on the one hand it was your work that had an influence, and on the other hand your past. Did you also reach for food more quickly because you found it hard to express your emotions?
“Yes, back then I was an emotional eater. I also ate to reward myself. After a good day at work, I was proud of myself and allowed myself to order something. Of course I chose fast food. In the beginning that's still innocent. Yet I always ordered too much anyway. I also felt I had to finish everything, because throwing food away is a waste. Really, I always had a reason to eat.”
How much did you weigh?
Around age 23 I weighed 120 kilos. 5 to 6 years later I was at my heaviest and weighed around 130 kilos.”
“I felt ashamed and insecure. When I walked through town, I noticed people staring or making comments.”
How did you feel during that period?
“To the outside world I acted funny and cheerful. But that was a mask - in reality I felt alone. I didn't matter, I thought. I put myself last; I was surviving instead of living. Eventually I became depressed and turned more and more inward. I cancelled plans with friends because I felt unwanted, thought I wasn't fun enough.
Even though I had good moments too, the dark days dominated. I went into therapy and discovered that things first had to be right in my head before I could work on other things, like losing weight. When I opened up to that, a lot changed in my life. I learned to love myself and to see the positive. If I hadn't processed my traumas, the operation wouldn't have turned out so well. I truly believe that.”
How did you feel about your excess weight?
“I felt ashamed and insecure. Luckily, the people close to me always said I'm good just as I am. But when I walked through town, I did notice people staring or making comments.”
Besides mental struggles, did you also have physical complaints?
“Yes, those little aches, like trouble with my back. And I had bowel complaints - that went on for years. It runs in the family, so that was my explanation. Besides, after all kinds of tests at the hospital they couldn't find anything, and they suspected an irritable bowel. I sometimes had truly terrible cramps and no energy, so I'd stay in bed all day. That was a difficult period.”
And did you follow certain diets to fix your excess weight and bowel problems?
“Around age 23 I started a (crash) shake diet. I had support and lost 20 kilos. When the brand switched to gluten-free products, I stopped. Because I can tell you, if you're allowed gluten, you don't want to eat gluten-free. It was the perfect excuse for me to throw in the towel, and of course the weight came back. After that I followed a keto diet and a fitness plan with a personal trainer. When it worked for a while, I felt more energetic, but I never saw it through.”
Why did you make those excuses?
“I took the easy way out. Maybe I didn't believe in it either, or I simply lost interest because I got too little satisfaction out of it. Because in the beginning I felt fantastic, but when you hit a plateau at some point, you start thinking it isn't working. That period of dieting, exercising and relapsing lasted until I was 32.”
“I asked about the operation, but it turned out I wasn't heavy enough. On top of that, I didn't have any other conditions that could make you eligible.”
Then the moment comes when you decide to go for a Gastric Bypass.
“Yes, I first tried to accept my excess weight and to look at what I did have. But in reality, that meant I wasn't choosing myself. I was always there for others. Making sure they felt comfortable around me. I always came last. Until I felt I had to change something. I asked about the operation, but it turned out I wasn't heavy enough. On top of that, I didn't have any other conditions that could make you eligible. So I made another attempt to lose weight on my own. Of course that failed. After going back to my GP, I luckily got a referral. The screening at the hospital and with the psychologist went quite smoothly, though I know that was because I had already worked through a lot myself. I had processed my traumas and got the green light. Unfortunately, because of corona and my poor blood values, it still took a while before I had surgery.”
The operation is a tool, not the goal. But what did you want to achieve with the help of a stomach reduction?
“Above all, I wanted to be happy with myself. With who I am and how I would look. I wanted to be able to look in the mirror and think: you're allowed to be here. That was enough for me.”
How did the people around you react to the surgery?
“I definitely got support from people around me. A stomach reduction is a brave choice, too. But people are often sceptical as well. Because you are having something done to your body. I see it differently. I chose myself. Of course I found it nerve-racking - what if I didn't get rid of my bowel complaints? What if I could no longer enjoy food? That did haunt me, because there are no guarantees. But sometimes you have to make choices and go for it.”
Do you have any tips for people considering a stomach reduction?
“Do your research and choose your clinic or hospital consciously. Make a plan and involve the people around you. And be honest during the conversations with the psychologist or dietitian. They are there for you, to see whether you are ready for the operation and won't fall back into old patterns.”
The interview was originally a Dutch FitForMe podcast. Using AI, the interview was translated and written down so that Remco's story could be shared with all FitForMe customers.
